Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
