If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My vagina is officially offended.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
