i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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