just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
