she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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