I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
So. Much. Porn.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
