if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he puts the penis in happiness.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
bring money and cleavage
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
