I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
