i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
