she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
