Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize