I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
