I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
