Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
