My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize