So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
