Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
