you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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