I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm just crazy horny about you
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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