Grow some girl-balls and come out already
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
