you traded sex for a burrito?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
