I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
