her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
