make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
