I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
