gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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