Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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