I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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