I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
