I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
