I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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