i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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