I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
