I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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