she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
