i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
