remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize