i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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