Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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