Pants 0. Shit 1.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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