new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize