When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
