i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
