you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
