In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
