C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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