And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
