remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
