The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize