Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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