Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
