I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
