he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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