the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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