I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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