Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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