I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
