I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
