dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
