dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
