Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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