in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
