There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
